So it’s now been three months that my husband and I have lived out our separation. I’ve just started this process of becoming an independent woman, and I knew I had to “cut corners” since my budget in this new phase of life would be different. So I had this brilliant plan that I no longer needed to spend money on the pool service guy. I would do it myself. Great idea, right? Well, that’s what I thought. Little did I know, it was going to be a lot harder than I expected, especially in the hot summer months where the pool goes lime green if it rains for one day.
I wanted to be a good ex-wife, letting my ex know I was working hard and not spending money on trivial things. As soon as I had stopped the pool service, the pool turned green on me, and I panicked. I was going to have overseas guests coming to visit the next day, so I hustled from dawn to dusk, squeezing in meetings, to be able to have time to run to the pool supply store.
So here I am, driving down the highway, my foot pushing on that gas pedal, trying to get to the store as soon as possible. I’m cruising along, ready to overtake a truck, when all of a sudden I see a big blue bucket starting to come loose from the truck and fly towards me. I quickly planned my escape and fled into the most right lane, unknowing of its true direction.
Well, it bounced off the truck and catapulted itself right towards me! I couldn’t escape this damn blue Bucket, and to my horror, it got stuck under my car. It sounded horrible, and I had to stop and pull over. “What to do now?” I thought. I carefully opened the car door, got out to look, and sure enough, it was stuck all right. I didn’t want to crawl under the car to have a closer look. I tried pulling on it, but it felt like it was tightly stuck and I feared if I pulled too hard, I would break something underneath my car. So, I went back into the car, and I called the service number and asked for assistance.
The Service person told me it was going to take a while for them to locate someone available to help, but they assured me they would call me back as soon as they found someone to rescue me or tow me away if need be. The only thing I could do at this point was to wait.
As I first sat there, I started getting angry and upset. I was feeling stressed and frustrated, and I began to blame my husband for all his actions. But, as time past, I realized how much effort I was giving to try and make it all work. I was trying to save money by doing things myself. Things that I never had to worry about before.
You see, I always had help around my house. I had a house cleaner, a landscape company, a pool service, and a handyman I could call when I needed anything done around the house. There was always someone that could help someone to do things for med and I could afford it. In my new situation, I have worked hard on creating my budget, and I became aware of all these luxuries I could no longer afford. And I am feeling more empowered every day and not only am I trying to save money, but I’m also learning how to do everything on my own. Yes, it can be scary, but I love this new me.
I noticed that in times of change and stress, it’s easy to lose one’s alignment with source, the connection to the higher self. I had forgotten what I had already known. I reverted into my old habits of thinking in lack, that I don’t have what I need, that I have to struggle to get what I need and that I am limited. My fear was I always had to depend on others for help.
So as I was sitting in the car on the highway, it started to become apparent. My life’s events began to pass through my mind just as the cars were passing me by. I saw my life’s patterns and how I had fallen back into distrusting my own power. For the last three months, my life had changed entirely. I had established a good sense of how I needed to approach my new life, but I had fallen back into my old patterns.
Again I had been running around trying to please everyone, making sure everyone was happy. I was even wanting to save my husband’s money so he wouldn’t feel stressed about having to provide for me. I was putting everyone else first, stressing myself out. I knew better than that!
I received a text from my coach Marc Feinberg, and he reminded me to take a look at my life and where I was stuck. I could see that I had gotten stuck in my old belief patterns again, thinking I had to please everyone else, that I had to be perfect, I had to be organized and have everything under control. But I had forgotten the simplest truth of life. To be able to serve anybody I have to fill up my own cup (Bucket) first.
After almost 2.5 hours a man finally came to my rescue. He was kind and sweet and came out to look at the car and Bucket. He laid down on the ground and crawled under the car, where he smoothly pulled out the Bucket like it was the easiest thing. It was not even stuck, and I could have easily done it myself!!!! This blue Bucket; this damn blue Bucket that I saw, knew it was coming, and I tried to avoid it. It got me anyway. My fear of not being able to handle the situation took over. And even though I was at first, I’m so happy this happened. I needed to be reminded of was to take it easy and not stress.
It’s ok to try and avoid the “buckets” in life. But sometimes, the buckets get you. When that happens, remember, you have the power to handle it. Everything you need is within yourself. Yes, help from others is needed in life at times. But if you keep focusing on others and not taking the time to recharge, to remind yourself that you are a powerful being, then the universe just might throw a bucket at you. That time waiting for help in my car gave me the time I needed to remember all that I needed. I needed that time to reflect on what I’ve learned and put it to practice — remembering how to align with my higher self so that I can help others. But filling up one’s own cup must come first, and no matter how hard you try to avoid that fact, a bucket will eventually find you.
I will never look at a blue bucket the same again. And I hope every time you see a blue bucket you will be reminded of just how strong you are. Believe in yourself, trust that you can do it alone at times, and always always take time to recharge.